The first of many disasters

***Warning: if you have a weak stomach there are some graphic pictures in this post.

It’s been quiet on the Frankenhouse blog as of late, and there is a reason for it. A couple Saturdays ago there was an accident with a ladder, an apple tree, a chainsaw, and a dumbass in a pair of shorts. Before I get to explaining that statement, let’s step back a few feet…

We are in process of having our plans drawn up all professionally in CAD, so there is not a lot of actual work that can happen at good old Frankie while the plans are being drawn and permits are being pulled. We are legit folks – permits are the way to go. In the meantime, we need to get the condo ready to go for sale. We have some outstanding projects that need to get finished up, a lot of cleaning, and staging that need to happen before we pull the trigger on getting out of the city. Some of those projects require power tools that are at the house. Nick and his dad were supposed to be working on those projects while I cleaned up the garage to make room for a materials delivery.

A little background about Nick – he can get distracted easily with shiny things. Or, if you will, it’s like a dog that sees a squirrel and drops everything for that distraction. The backyard became his ‘squirrel’ on this particular Saturday. I don’t know why since it’s been a disaster for a while now, but he decided we needed to start chopping down some more trees (weeds?) in the brush we call our backyard, so he grabbed the chainsaw and went to work.

We cut down quite a few trees that seemed to be unintentional. As in the seeds fell there and started growing…I have a feeling this is what happened to most of the yard. Anyway, it was going pretty well until Nick started trimming some of the actual trees in the yard. For some reason almost every ‘real’ tree has metal in them. Nails or railroad spikes or who hell knows what is in these trees. I feel as if the backyard was some weird science experiement that made no sense. So the chain started to get dull after hitting all that metal. But that didn’t stop him even though it should have.

We have a large old apple tree in the yard that has seen better days. Half of it is dead, and that half is high up in the air. Nick got one of the many ladders lying around the yard and climbed up into the tree to cut off a particularly large dead branch. He even made sure his dad and I were out of the way because he knew it would swing a weird way. And swing it did. I was pulling weeds, so I wasn’t really paying attention to the cutting. Not until the saw made a weird noise, and Nick threw it to the ground (still on, but the chain was not running). Then I knew something was wrong…

He came down the ladder holding his leg together. His dad came over as I realized that his leg was cut open. I also realized at this point that I needed to keep it together and my lunch down because I would have to get him to a hospital (which I had no idea where the nearest one was). I’m not one for blood. I also firmly believe all inside things are inside for a reason. No need for me to see them on the outside…

Nick’s dad told me to go get some clean towels. Yeah, right. Have you seen this place?! Luckily I had a bag of clean rags ready to go. I ran to get those,  and by the time I had them they were already to the garage. Nick refused the towels, but requested duct tape. I finally found the roll (I was trying to hurry because I had no idea how much blood he was losing) and he taped up his leg. I honestly thought to myself, “I’m shocked he didn’t ask for super glue.” Which we later found out would have been a worse idea.

Nick was taped up and wanted to clean himself off with the hose. His dad and I looked at each other and both said no at the same time. Are you kidding me?! The entire time I was trying to keep my lunch down. Remember, all things inside should be kept inside?! Ugh. To complicate everything, Nick’s dad was trying to get us out of there before Nick’s mom decided to emerge from her work in the basement. She would have been a bit more upset than we were….

We hopped into the car and set off for a hospital. I was told there is one on Biesterfield, so I had Siri lead me there. At one point I told Nick that I hoped we would get pulled over so the cop would just escort us to the damn place. I seriously had no idea where I was going. I even pulled into the wrong parking lot and had to do a U-turn to get to the Emergency Room. During all this the duct tape came loose and blood was running down his leg while I’m yelling about not getting blood all over my car. Priorities, ya know?

At the hospital they said it actually wasn’t a bad cut considering it was a chain saw. He cut through the skin and fat layer of his leg and missed all important stuff. We pretty much figure they are used to seeing barely attached limbs in this sort of situation. All in all there were 21 stitches total – 6 internal and 15 external. I watched not one minute of it. There was a pre-season Bears/Colts game on the tv that had my full attention.


The Dumbass Patient

Once he was all stitched up, I could look at it and take a picture for everyone else to see. All inside stuff was back inside!


All Sewn Up


Needless to say, not much physically has been happening at Frankenhouse. Nick had been healing, and I’ve been enjoying not being at the house. Nick is also in process of getting some life insurance. I’m not getting stuck with that house and no way to complete it if something even worse happens!

What a way to spend a Saturday night!

Nick also conceded that he knew better – he never should have been pushing a dull blade (don’t “they” say most accidents happen with dull blades?) and he will always wear jeans when using the chainsaw.
**Big Thanks to the doctors and nurses at AMITA Emergency Room!!!

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